shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
