How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm gonna fight the coyote
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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