you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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