so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
