life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
