I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
