Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize