is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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