he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
