im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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