Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
