theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
