the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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