I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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