Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
