You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
