yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
false alarm. still invincible.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
