I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
