i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
50% drunk capacity currently
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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