i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Randomize
