i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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