i need an iv and a liver transplant
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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