Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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