in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
