Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
