That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
