Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
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