I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
