I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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