i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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