Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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