I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
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