I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
