It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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