Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
