he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
