Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
