i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
