Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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