she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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