I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
