I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
