i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
