It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
