my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
