I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
