i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
