I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
We just shotgunned beers for America
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
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