some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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