Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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