I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
