whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I AM VODKA MAN
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
