that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
