Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Randomize
