Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
