I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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